As every year begins, many people take the time to do a small review of the last twelve months and think about the direction their life has taken. Some make new resolutions to change what is wrong or just to challenge themselves, while others are counting the number of resolutions held for the past year. Although I like to make fun of resolutioners (one who is waiting for the year to begin to make resolution), that does not mean that I disapprove their mindset. On the contrary, because it reflects a certain level of self-awareness and this may lead to a questioning about their life. It is hard to go through introspection. In fact, if I make fun of them, it's mainly because of the sports resolutioners.
I've been going to gyms for years now, and the two peak periods are January and September. No surprise… I am quite impatient, and queuing at a machine kills my gym experience and my pleasure... Of course, the more weeks pass, the fewer newcomers are showing their faces in the gym. But, few of them are consistently working out after the second month, sticking with their resolutions and have therefore improved an aspect of their lives that was lacking until then. Well, I guess they are improving themselves... Resolutions usually refer to something positive. I mean... Nobody makes the resolution to drink more, to start smoking, or to eat more fast food for the coming year...
Recently, during a discussion with a long-time friend, he told me about his life, his new job, the long training period he had to go through and the sense of purpose he felt within the community through his position. While he was narrating his first days of work, I could not help but think of all these other last times that we had exchanged on this matter and how often he had been complaining about the boredom of his training. At one point, I asked him a question that he probably has not heard a lot before as he did not know how to answer. "Are you happy”?
From there, he oddly became a philosopher; I had to define a period as the question seemed too abstract for him. I gave him one: "these past 12 months." He found that time period unfair as he had just completed his 8-month boring training. I then gave him a wider period: "these last 5 years." He replied that the answer depended on the angle of life we apprehend the question. He also added that it was not easy to answer. Then, without any surprise, he confessed that professionally, personally and sentimentally, it was not a panacea.I asked him if there was another aspect of life that was worth considering for him. He rhetorically told me if life has other aspects. Concisely, I said no. Clearly, on these three facets of life, he was unhappy. However, he was unable to tell me that overall he was unhappy. I did not push the conversation further. I did not want to be the one to point out this to him.Too often the messenger gets shot. But even pushed to his retrenchment, he replied that he could not answer this simple question. Then the talk turned towards a lighter and more casual topic. No need to get angry with a friend for nothing.
Was his denial of truth conscious or unconscious? Was he embarrassed to say aloud he was unhappy? Was he afraid that I would judge him negatively? Or did he just suppress any kind of thread that may harm this mirage, this psychic construction — so human — that the brain sets up like a filter in front of our eyes to embellish the reality and make us better accept our own condition? I do not know. These questions remained unanswered. A few days later, I was still thinking about this conversation. Was he afraid I would judge him? He probably did not want to feel vulnerable, a feeling that I know very well. (As an introvert person, every time I share on my blog, I feel so vulnerable.) During my exchanges and because I like to go to the bottom of things, to understand, I tend to dig a little too much into people's mind. Some people do not like to feel psychoanalyzed. Or simply, his bashfulness forbade him to reveal too much of himself, fearing to feel naked or helpless in front of my eyes. Male sensitivity is not an attribute that is worn high and proud. It is often restrained and has become a taboo and even laughed at. I still think deep down he knows the answer. It is essential or at least it should be.
For me, it is difficult to conceive the idea of the pursuit of happiness if we are not even aware that we are unhappy... If there are no problems, why would you look for solutions? It's a bit like admitting your mistakes. It's only by accepting that nobody is perfect, that we all make mistakes that we can finally improve and thus avoid repeating the same faults.
Everyone has his own definition of happiness. As Shakira states in a French commercial, "happiness lies in those small moments." It can be that eye contact, that smile shared with a stranger on the street, the advancement or the completion of a project, the moment spent on admiring the sun and the surrounding world waking up, a laugh between friends, a good meal... It may as well be in the process of self-improvement or in a puddle that reflects nicely the lights of the city in which we jump both feet in when our inner-child takes over our adult over complicating mind full of worries...
But to fully enjoy those moments, you have to know their values and how to differentiate the ups from the downs. Then, each day strives to search for those heartwarming moments that give meaning to life. But, the very first step in this personal and epic quest for happiness is to accept the fact that you can be unhappy and that you probably are at this moment. It does not matter, it's not a disease, and it’s just a temporary emotion. Although temporary, it will not disappear by itself within the blink of an eye. We must face it head-on. In fact, it's a bit like all other emotions or addictions: ignoring it will not bring you anything positive; on the contrary, it will grow as long as you stay passive and little by little, it will devour your soul.
In conclusion, my dear readers: make and stick to your resolutions, get out of your comfort zone and face those who will make fun of you because you have decided to change. And if one of your resolutions is to get a gym membership and you meet a bald and strangely charismatic Asian male with a tank top who seems to get impatient next to your machine, throw him a smile, he will gladly return it back. He has been there, and knows that it is not easy to change, so he will not add any kind of pressure on you. Nonetheless, a smile can brighten a day. Well... I leave you with a fragment of my soul, and we will meet next week, until then, take care and be happy.
KITOFOTO